Here’s a typical “new year, new me” type of reflection. But really, I don’t think that I’m a new me. At the moment, I’m still the same; I’m merely taking the time to recognize the pieces that should remain and the ones that should be changed.
2018 taught me a lot – most of the time, I didn’t want to hear what it was trying to tell me. I held on, so tightly, to people and things that were no longer meant to be in my life. I think that a lot of us are probably guilty of that. But all of those things truly served specific purposes, and they brought me to places that I would have never made it to alone.
I thought that gratitude could only be shown through loyalty and promises of “forever,” but sometimes, it’s okay to say “thank you” and move on. I’m still figuring out how to do that, but I’m hoping that it becomes easier throughout this year. I’ve been realizing that there’s such a thing as the past because we cannot find infinitude in everything.
2018 was a year of being bold and going after what I wanted, even if I secretly felt terribly unqualified – turns out if you act like you know what you’re doing, eventually you’ll actually know what you’re doing (and you’ll also get really good at it). Believe in yourself, babes!
My heart broke a couple times, for which I found the only remedy to be pop music (no shame). Maybe the term “bubblegum pop” comes from the fact that it’s able to stick all your pieces back together with the sweetness of temporary happiness, until you’re able to heal on your own. (Thanks Harry and Ari.)
I also allowed myself to find a lot of happiness in seemingly small moments. It sounds cliché, but those are the moments that really matter the most. Photographed: Chili’s margs with Sara and Christi, because who doesn’t love getting accidentally drunk on a Monday?
Mostly, I discovered that there’s just so much good in the world, and I can cry when I think about how lucky I am to have my family and friends. I complain more than I should because I’m intrinsically dramatic, but I hope that they can always see my gratitude. As always, I want to get better, and I hope that 2019 eliminates the last traces of negativity and leaves me with only light. I hope the same for all of you. Happy New Year.
P.S. Is it even a post if I don’t include a few song recommendations? Three songs that I am loving at the moment: “Superposition” by Young the Giant, “Never Enough” by The Cure, and “I Couldn’t Be More in Love” by The 1975. See you next month!